I read an interesting quote on Facebook recently. One of those quotes typed out over a picture designed to catch your eye. The picture was of Morgan Freeman (amazing man and actor) and it said the following:
I thought, wow!
Now, I didn’t know if Morgan Freeman even said this and I didn’t bother to verify, but It made so much sense nonetheless. I immediately wanted to think more about it and write about the subject of self control so that I could understand it better.
It didn’t take me long to think of examples where people let emotions take control.
When emotion is in charge
Anger! People get angry and seemingly lose control. Probably one of the worst places to see this emotion is on the road. Would anyone who’s thinking rationally have road-rage?
Excitement! Ever won a big jackpot at a Casino and instead of thinking rationally, kept drinking and playing only to lose all the money playing over the next few hours?
Fear! To allow what could happen to blind one’s vision of what will probably happen. To get so caught up in the risk that you’ll never take any action and will never see a reward. Stuck in paralysis by analysis.
And finally, Verbal Incontinence! Any emotion which in the heat of the moment instantly fills your mind with words, followed by you blurting out said words in an explosive rush.
Anger for anger, love for love, and annoyance for annoyance equally galvanizing the mind until words are spewed out of your mouth seemingly shocking everyone around you.
Reality check
Shit, I just described myself. (Not road rage, thankfully.)
Even so, now I’m struggling to write about this subject. Struggling to make sense of such an easily comprehensible message which is nevertheless so unbelievably difficult to apply, especially when lack of self-control has been in one’s nature.
Perhaps I initially homed in on the wrong examples, perhaps the quote better applies to the long game and perhaps it’s best not to judge past actions with newfound understanding.
Nope, that’s a cop out. Damn.
But, I know this uncomfortable pain. It’s a precursor to growth.
I’d better dig into this.
Self control is strength
Better said, self control requires strength. Everyone is strong. It’s simply a matter of perspective. Compared to what? If your strength falters often and early, get stronger. Strength is achieved through failure followed by proper recovery.
Calmness is mastery
Mastery is the comprehensive knowledge of something and the control or superiority over something. In this case that something is calmness.
Knowledge is an awareness gained by experience. Comprehensive knowledge of calmness would require not only gaining all the theoretical facts and skills, but also to have practical and personal experience.
This could be a lifetime quest never to be fully obtained.
Mood doesn’t change based on the actions of others
Whenever I hear the word ‘mood” I think of Sir Patrick Stewart when he said “Not in the mood? Mood’s a thing for cattle and love-play, not fighting!” — Gurney Halleck in Dune (1984)
This circles back to ‘Self control is strength’ and ‘Calmness is mastery’. Maintaining self control in the midst of the ‘insignificant actions of others’ requires two things. First, the knowledge and understanding that the actions of others are insignificant. Second, to use self control in the midst of inner emotions which are calling for a mood change.
I think that high stakes and great consequences must aide in the development and usage of self control. A Soldier in combat is a good example, because their life and the lives of others are on the line. You don’t want to let them down so you can’t falter, can’t quit, and won’t give up.
Another unique example is a good poker player who in the midst of supreme pressure and emotion maintains a ‘Poker Face.’
Is there a secret in these two examples? We’re not Vulcans on Star Trek after all.
Controlling mood isn’t seeking a state of no emotion. It is that, despite the torrent of emotions boiling under the surface, one maintains objectivity and perspective. Not too dissimilar to the concept of courage.
Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life
Despite the commonality between this and the last, I think there is enough difference to explore.
When I read this I immediately think about staying the course and thinking for yourself. It’s okay to know yourself, to know what you want, and to make your own choices.
The difficulty with this is actually knowing yourself. This often requires quiet reflection without splitting one’s attention. Historically, this has been effectively accomplished through meditation and prayer.
Ultimately, one needs a dedicated and focused discussion with one’s self without any other distracting action. That means no cell phone, television, music, walking the dog… Potentially challenging.
Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence
This probably has a different meaning for all of us, but at the same time we’d likely agree with one another’s definition.
When I read this last quote I think of myself in 7th grade quitting piano lessons. I think of a friend’s son staying up all night playing video games and sleeping all day every day going nowhere in life. I think of the Soldiers we termed “snowflakes” in the Army because they would crumble, melt, or blow away when put under the slightest pressure.
Summary
The common factor in all of these examples is to get better, to get stronger, to strive to achieve Morgan Freeman’s proposed state of emotional and intellectual control, and to do this we need to fail.
We need to fail more so that we can grow more. To make metal strong it must be forged and so too do we need to forge ourselves. Only through failure are we in a state to get stronger through recovery. Failure is a good thing, and ultimately necessary to get stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.
